In an article by psychotherapist, Katie Hurley, she writes that children are not born bullies; bullies are something they become.

Ms Hurley believes that bullying is a learned behavior that is used in response to stress.  Bullying is an attempt to gain superiority or control over another.

She states that while some studies indicate that some bullies have naturally aggressive and/or hyperactive personalities from the start; that should not be taken to mean that all “spirited” kids will bully while all kids who are mellow or laid back will not become bullies.

Her premise is that bullies have immature social skills. They see threats where there are none and identify other kids as hostile when they are not.  Bullies lack compassion and empathy. They have difficulty understanding how others feel.

Ms. Hurley states in her article that while it is hard to find compassion for a bully, it can be useful, however, to understand some of the reasons why kids become bullies:

1. Strained parental relationships.  Bullies often lack warm, caring, and involved parents.  Parents of bullies tend to be highly competitive and place unreasonable demands on their children to be superior to other kids (academically, socially, athletically, etc.).  These parents often have prejudices based on race, sex, wealth, and achievements.  They teach their children to compete at all costs, and to win by whatever means.

2.  Inconsistent discipline.  Bullies often lack consistent discipline at home.  Their parents tend to have difficulty setting limits and/or struggle to hold them accountable for their behavior.

3. Poor academic performance.  Some kids bully in response to academic stress.  When they struggle in the classroom and feel that they are not being helped, they may begin to lose hope.  When hope is lost, children act out.  This can translate to bullies seeking “revenge” on the higher achieving kids.

4. Unsupportive peer networks.  Children who are isolated and feel disliked or unsupported by peers often turn to bullying to gain some social control.  Their distorted thinking causes them to believe that controlling other kids = having friends.

5. Child abuse.  There is ample evidence that children who are physically abused by their parents turn around and bully other kids.  Abuse is cyclical.

6.  Victims of bullies.  Many bullies have actually been victims of bullies at another time.  Due to lack of support, poor social skills, and relying on learned behaviors, these kids use bullying behaviors to try to gain superiority and control so that they will no longer be victimized.

7. Low self-esteem.  When you add up all of the possibilities, it should come as no surprise that bullies tend to struggle with self-esteem.

There are steps to take to avoid raising bullies. Below are a few tips to work on building positive relationships:

• Praise your children often.  Praise their big accomplishments as well as the little things that make them great every day.
• Listen when they need to be heard.
• Help them problem solve.
• Encourage positive peer relationships.
• Build positive sibling relationships.  Avoid comparisons, as this breeds unhealthy competition among siblings.
• Set limits and hold them accountable for their behavior.
• Teach empathy every day.
• Carve out special time with each child and spend that time doing something that you both enjoy.
• Talk often, even when you think they are not listening.
• Stay calm; model appropriate conflict resolution skills.
• Decrease exposure to violent TV, movie, and video content.
• Be present.

Ms Hurley finishes her article on an up note, reminding the reader, again, that bullies are not born; bullies are raised. 

She states that we all have the opportunity to raise children who will choose to be empathic, kind, and loyal friends.  All we have to do is teach them those skills.

Katie Hurley blogs at Practical Parenting.

According to a new study conducted by Kaiser Permanente researchers, youngsters aged 4 to 6 are not at higher risk of febrile seizures after receiving measles vaccines.

The study, conducted by the Kaiser Permanente Vaccine Study Center and funded by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, looked at data from nearly 87,000 children ages 48 to 83 months who received the following vaccines: measles-mumps-rubella-chickenpox (MMRV) vaccine; the MMR vaccine plus the varicella vaccine for chickenpox, administered separately but on the same day; or either the MMR or varicella vaccine alone.

Febrile seizures are described as brief, fever-related convulsions. They are not fatal and do not lead to brain damage, epilepsy or other seizure disorders. The researchers noted that febrile seizures typically occur in children ages 6 months to 5 years, and the incidence of these seizures peaks at about 18 months of age.

There was no increased risk of febrile seizures among the children during the six weeks after they received any of the vaccines, according to the study, which appears in the current issue of the journal Pediatrics.

In a news release, lead author for the study, Dr. Nicola Klein, co-director of the Kaiser Permanente Vaccine Study Center, said, “The results provide reassuring evidence that neither MMRV nor MMR plus V appear to be associated with an increased risk of post-vaccination febrile seizures in this 4-to-6 age group.”

Dr. Bruce Hirsch, associate chairman for clinical services at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y. stated that, “Families of 4- to 6-year-olds can be reassured from this study that a combination MMRV vaccine is safe.” He went on to say that, “Febrile seizures are scary; the child develops a high fever and convulses The condition is surprisingly common and can occur after colds and other viral infections.”

(SOURCES: Bruce Hirsch, M.D., attending physician, Infectious Disease, North Shore University Hospital, Manhasset, N.Y.; Kaiser Permanente, news release, April 2, 2012)

Findings from a recent study, available on line in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, point out that nearly half of our preschool children are not getting enough daily outdoor play.

Researchers conducted a study that analyzed data previously collected in a long-term U.S. study that highlights something already know from other studies-girls have fewer opportunities for outdoor play than boys.

The research team looked at statistics on the outdoor-activity routines of 8,950 children born in 2001 who were tracked through enrollment in kindergarten. The data were deemed to be nationally representative, reflecting the behavior of an estimated 4 million kids.

Researchers interviewed each child’s mother on the frequency and kind of outdoor play experience her child had at 9 months, 2 years and 4 years, and then again once enrolled in kindergarten.

Researchers found that 51 percent of the kids had a daily routine of parent-supervised outdoor play. Girls got less daily outdoor exercise.

According to findings, race was a factor. Children from white families got substantially more outdoor play than children with Asian, black or Hispanic mothers. Asian mothers were 49 percent less likely to take their children outdoors for play, black mothers were 41 percent less likely and Hispanic mothers were 20 percent less likely.

TV viewing habits of children, mothers’ marital status, neighborhood safety issues, or family income levels did not affect findings.

The study authors report that the American Academy of Pediatrics asks doctors take a proactive role in encouraging routine physical activity among kids, particularly outdoor activity, which can be critical to helping children develop motor skills, as well as promoting vision and mental acuity.

“I want to encourage parents to talk to all their child’s caregivers, and to ask about their outdoor playtime experience in the same way they would normally ask about how much their child ate that day and what they learned,” said Pooja Tandon, M.D., M.P.H., pediatrician and researcher, Seattle Children’s Research Institute, and acting assistant professor, department of pediatrics, University of Washington, Seattle, the lead researcher of the study.

Rahil Briggs, a child psychologist with Children’s Hospital at Montefiore, in New York City, agreed that “There’s a very real need for growing children to have outdoor play.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not too surprised with these findings, because of what we already know about the obesity epidemic in this country and all the sedentary activities our children are partaking in with the use of video games, TV, the iPad and all of that,” she said.

“Parents need to change their thinking about outdoor play as a luxury that they can get in for their kids on a Saturday, to something along the lines of a necessity. Many preschoolers are not getting daily outdoor activities,” Briggs said. “We need to know that it has an important impact on our children’s physical health and also on their behavioral development.”

(SOURCES: Pooja Tandon, M.D., M.P.H., pediatrician and researcher, Seattle Children’s Research Institute, and acting assistant professor, department of pediatrics, University of Washington, Seattle; Rahil Briggs, Psy.D., child psychologist, Children’s Hospital at Montefiore, New York City; April 2, 2012, Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine online)