In an article by psychotherapist, Katie Hurley, she writes that children are not born bullies; bullies are something they become.

Ms Hurley believes that bullying is a learned behavior that is used in response to stress.  Bullying is an attempt to gain superiority or control over another.

She states that while some studies indicate that some bullies have naturally aggressive and/or hyperactive personalities from the start; that should not be taken to mean that all “spirited” kids will bully while all kids who are mellow or laid back will not become bullies.

Her premise is that bullies have immature social skills. They see threats where there are none and identify other kids as hostile when they are not.  Bullies lack compassion and empathy. They have difficulty understanding how others feel.

Ms. Hurley states in her article that while it is hard to find compassion for a bully, it can be useful, however, to understand some of the reasons why kids become bullies:

1. Strained parental relationships.  Bullies often lack warm, caring, and involved parents.  Parents of bullies tend to be highly competitive and place unreasonable demands on their children to be superior to other kids (academically, socially, athletically, etc.).  These parents often have prejudices based on race, sex, wealth, and achievements.  They teach their children to compete at all costs, and to win by whatever means.

2.  Inconsistent discipline.  Bullies often lack consistent discipline at home.  Their parents tend to have difficulty setting limits and/or struggle to hold them accountable for their behavior.

3. Poor academic performance.  Some kids bully in response to academic stress.  When they struggle in the classroom and feel that they are not being helped, they may begin to lose hope.  When hope is lost, children act out.  This can translate to bullies seeking “revenge” on the higher achieving kids.

4. Unsupportive peer networks.  Children who are isolated and feel disliked or unsupported by peers often turn to bullying to gain some social control.  Their distorted thinking causes them to believe that controlling other kids = having friends.

5. Child abuse.  There is ample evidence that children who are physically abused by their parents turn around and bully other kids.  Abuse is cyclical.

6.  Victims of bullies.  Many bullies have actually been victims of bullies at another time.  Due to lack of support, poor social skills, and relying on learned behaviors, these kids use bullying behaviors to try to gain superiority and control so that they will no longer be victimized.

7. Low self-esteem.  When you add up all of the possibilities, it should come as no surprise that bullies tend to struggle with self-esteem.

There are steps to take to avoid raising bullies. Below are a few tips to work on building positive relationships:

• Praise your children often.  Praise their big accomplishments as well as the little things that make them great every day.
• Listen when they need to be heard.
• Help them problem solve.
• Encourage positive peer relationships.
• Build positive sibling relationships.  Avoid comparisons, as this breeds unhealthy competition among siblings.
• Set limits and hold them accountable for their behavior.
• Teach empathy every day.
• Carve out special time with each child and spend that time doing something that you both enjoy.
• Talk often, even when you think they are not listening.
• Stay calm; model appropriate conflict resolution skills.
• Decrease exposure to violent TV, movie, and video content.
• Be present.

Ms Hurley finishes her article on an up note, reminding the reader, again, that bullies are not born; bullies are raised. 

She states that we all have the opportunity to raise children who will choose to be empathic, kind, and loyal friends.  All we have to do is teach them those skills.

Katie Hurley blogs at Practical Parenting.

Today’s post is by Sarah Fudin who works in community relations for the University of Southern California Rossier School of Education’s online master’s programs. USC Rossier Online provides current and aspiring teachers the opportunity to earn an Online Masters in Education and become a teacher.  Outside of work Sarah enjoys running, reading and Pinkberry frozen yogurt. You can reach Sarah via Twitter: @USCTeacher<https://twitter.com/#!/USCTeacher>

Reading is one of the most central aspects of your child’s educational development, especially during his or her early years.

Children from three to seven are curious about the world, eager to learn and excited about new discoveries. It is during these years that parents can instill a love for reading in children that will last a lifetime. It is the desire to learn through books and expand upon what they learn in the classroom, motivating learning from school through college, career and even adulthood.

While many children have a natural curiosity, they do not always take an interest in books. Some children may not like to read; they can be daunted by its technical aspects, the newness of words or an assumed monotony of sitting still with a book.

Children need to be stimulated, and you should look for ways to create an interactive reading experience.

This is especially important during the summer months, when children are not in school but should continue practicing the skills they’ve learned while building their foundation of knowledge. To help your children stay engaged with their books, stories and text, try some of these activities in connection with their summer reading list:

Take a Trip
You don’t need a teacher to plan a field trip. During the summer, taking your child on educational excursions can be a fun and creative way to get them excited about reading. With children’s books, it is easy to plan a trip centered on themes found in the narrative. If they are reading a book about animals, take them to the zoo to see these animals face to face. If you are reading a book about the solar system, take them to the planetarium. So many educational books deal with things that are ideally suited for fun trips to museums, national landmarks, aquariums, botanical gardens, national parks and natural attractions, that the opportunities are endless.

Create a Project
Children love arts and crafts, and encouraging creativity is an excellent way to stimulate your child’s interest in reading. Regardless of what your child is reading, you can create a project that ties the book with an artistic project. You can help your children build a model solar system or have them draw pictures of their favorite characters. Write a brief script for a puppet show that enacts a scene from a book, and have your child create the puppets and act out the scene. Science books often also provide at-home science experiments that are fun and educational.

Start a Book Club
Book Clubs might not be the first thing you think of when getting your three to seven year-olds excited about reading, but involving their friends is an excellent way to not only keep them interested, but to reinforce this interest through teamwork and group activities. You and other parents can coordinate play dates for your children to come together and read with one another, work on book-themed projects and even go on trips. Over the summer months, children don’t have daily interaction with their friends as they would during the school year, so this becomes a fun and educational way to keep your child socializing and learning.

Make Reading Rewarding
Rewarding children for reading is not about coaxing them into reading as much as it is about making them feel proud of their accomplishments. For young children, just finishing an entire book is a big deal! Reading is a skill that they should feel proud of, and one way to make them excited about it is to reward them. If your child is at the point where he or she can read an entire book without your help then make it a celebration. Take your child out for a special day trip or a treat of ice cream. Even simple verbal encouragement, like saying how proud you are, can go a long way.

Tie It in with Television
Incorporating television into reading is a strange idea, but it’s actually an innovative way to encourage your children to read. So many children’s television shows have books that tie into them, and you can tell if your child is going to like a series of book by seeing how he or she reacts to the television programs. If he or she likes The Magic School Bus or Dora the Explorer, then you can encourage him or her to read the books. When children are already familiar with the material, they’ll be excited to explore new aspects of their favorite characters or stories. You can also encourage them to watch a new show to see if they’d be interested in reading the books.

If you’re looking for ways to get your kids more involved then you need to look no further than the kitchen.

Spending time together in the kitchen gives you a chance to not only prepare tasty meals and treats but also to teach them important lessons. Plus what kid doesn’t love to get their hands dirty?

Hesitant on including your kids in your cooking or baking? Here are five reasons why you should:

1.      Teaches the ins and outs of nutrition – Having your kids help you cook or bake is a great opportunity to teach them about the importance of nutrition and consuming a balanced diet full of plenty of lean proteins, fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and healthy fats. The obesity epidemic hinges largely on eating a lot of fast food and restaurant fare, and if you want to combat that in your own family then the first step is getting kids interested in cooking and having them understand the importance of healthy eating and good nutrition.

2.      It’s a math lesson in disguise  – Learning how to measure out ingredients and figure out serving sizes may seem like it’s just another component of cooking, but it’s actually teaching your kids valuable math lessons by rolling together fractions, addition, subtraction, etc. If you’re doubling up on a meal or scaling back on it you can get kids to figure out how much more or less of certain items they need to still get the correct measurements.

3.      Cooking and baking are mini science experiments – Why does spinach wilt in the microwave? How come banana bread rises in the oven? What happens when you combine certain ingredients together? Why do eggs become hardboiled eggs when they’re boiled? Every time you bake or cook something you’re essentially performing a small-scale science experiment in the form of food. Explain what’s happening during the cooking process and why certain things happen to sneak in a little science lesson during each cooking or baking experience.

4.      Encourages trying new foods– Kids are notoriously picky eaters; however including them in the cooking process can make them more open to trying new foods. The satisfaction they get from preparing a meal can be just what they need to propel them to actually eat the meal. Plus it gives you a chance to experiment together with different combinations until you find one that everyone can agree is delicious.

5.      It’s automatic quality time–Instead of hanging out watching TV or being holed up in their rooms playing video games you’ll have a rare moment where it’s just you and your kids working together and having fun. Neither you nor your kids will be focused on anything other than spending time with each other and making a great meal, and that is reason enough right there.

Cooking or baking with your kids gives you the unique opportunity to spend time together, save money, experiment in the kitchen, and expose them to new, healthy foods and recipes. They’ll take away more from those nights spent in the kitchen then they ever will playing on the computer or eating on the go.

About the Author: This guest post is contributed by Debra Johnson, blogger, editor & a knowledge gainer of  being full time nanny.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: – jdebra84 @ gmail.com.

If you’re throwing a birthday party for your 5-7 year old, you may be wondering how to make sure the party goes over well in terms of behavior and how happy the kids are.

A birthday party isn’t much fun for anyone if the party guests bicker or act up in a way that’s stressful to you and the other chaperones. So, as a parent, it’s your responsibility to make sure you do everything possible to keep the party and the party guests’ behavior under control. Here are a few tips to help you do that:

Limit the guest list – Bigger parties are often only more fun in theory. Your child will have a better time if only his or her closest friends are in attendance at the party. Plus, it’s a lot easier to manage the behavior of 10 kids versus the behavior of 30 kids. So, try not to invite more than 15 guests, and remember that smaller and more intimate is usually better.

Plan the whole party out – Creating a schedule of activities for your child’s party may seem like extra, unnecessary work for you, but it will help you avoid chaos and less than perfect behavior at the party. Pick 5 or 6 activities the kids can engage in during the party and write down a schedule for those activities. A party that’s full of fun activities is the best kind of party for 5-7 year olds, who tend to stay out of trouble and feel more safe and secure, if they’re kept busy.

Give the kids a rundown of the rules – At the beginning of the party, make sure you explain any and all rules to the children. For instance, you might want to tell them that there will be no fighting, roughhousing, or yelling. Young kids usually take rules seriously but often need a reminder of what kind of behavior is appropriate.

Get help from other adults – It’s usually a good idea for you to ask family members and a few parents of the party guests to stick around at the party and help out. The more supervised the children are, the less likely they are to get into trouble or quarrel.

Keep refined sugar to a minimum – This doesn’t mean you have to do without the birthday cake. Just keep the other snacks and drinks at the party healthy and low in sugar. Consider serving cheese and crackers with some all-natural juice as opposed to sweet tarts, cupcakes, and soda. Serving the kids too much sugar just means they’ll have a lot of energy at the beginning of the party and will feel crabby and tired at the end of the party.

Be prepared for a few snags – Make sure you have a first aid kit on hand and the phone numbers of all of the parents of the party guests. Kids trip, fall, and scrape their knees when they’re running around and having fun at a birthday party. Additionally, you might have to call the parent of a sick or unhappy child who wants to leave the party early. Preparation is key.

It’s relatively easy to throw a successful children’s birthday party if you’re willing to do a little bit of work. So, consider trying out the tips above, and don’t forget to spoil your child a little bit at his or her party!

This guest post is authored by Melissa,  a mom and guest blogger from The Party Works, (www.thepartyworks.com) an online party supply retailer. She writes for a variety of blogs about party planning, child behavior, and party supplies, including Mario party supplies.