In an article by psychotherapist, Katie Hurley, she writes that children are not born bullies; bullies are something they become.

Ms Hurley believes that bullying is a learned behavior that is used in response to stress.  Bullying is an attempt to gain superiority or control over another.

She states that while some studies indicate that some bullies have naturally aggressive and/or hyperactive personalities from the start; that should not be taken to mean that all “spirited” kids will bully while all kids who are mellow or laid back will not become bullies.

Her premise is that bullies have immature social skills. They see threats where there are none and identify other kids as hostile when they are not.  Bullies lack compassion and empathy. They have difficulty understanding how others feel.

Ms. Hurley states in her article that while it is hard to find compassion for a bully, it can be useful, however, to understand some of the reasons why kids become bullies:

1. Strained parental relationships.  Bullies often lack warm, caring, and involved parents.  Parents of bullies tend to be highly competitive and place unreasonable demands on their children to be superior to other kids (academically, socially, athletically, etc.).  These parents often have prejudices based on race, sex, wealth, and achievements.  They teach their children to compete at all costs, and to win by whatever means.

2.  Inconsistent discipline.  Bullies often lack consistent discipline at home.  Their parents tend to have difficulty setting limits and/or struggle to hold them accountable for their behavior.

3. Poor academic performance.  Some kids bully in response to academic stress.  When they struggle in the classroom and feel that they are not being helped, they may begin to lose hope.  When hope is lost, children act out.  This can translate to bullies seeking “revenge” on the higher achieving kids.

4. Unsupportive peer networks.  Children who are isolated and feel disliked or unsupported by peers often turn to bullying to gain some social control.  Their distorted thinking causes them to believe that controlling other kids = having friends.

5. Child abuse.  There is ample evidence that children who are physically abused by their parents turn around and bully other kids.  Abuse is cyclical.

6.  Victims of bullies.  Many bullies have actually been victims of bullies at another time.  Due to lack of support, poor social skills, and relying on learned behaviors, these kids use bullying behaviors to try to gain superiority and control so that they will no longer be victimized.

7. Low self-esteem.  When you add up all of the possibilities, it should come as no surprise that bullies tend to struggle with self-esteem.

There are steps to take to avoid raising bullies. Below are a few tips to work on building positive relationships:

• Praise your children often.  Praise their big accomplishments as well as the little things that make them great every day.
• Listen when they need to be heard.
• Help them problem solve.
• Encourage positive peer relationships.
• Build positive sibling relationships.  Avoid comparisons, as this breeds unhealthy competition among siblings.
• Set limits and hold them accountable for their behavior.
• Teach empathy every day.
• Carve out special time with each child and spend that time doing something that you both enjoy.
• Talk often, even when you think they are not listening.
• Stay calm; model appropriate conflict resolution skills.
• Decrease exposure to violent TV, movie, and video content.
• Be present.

Ms Hurley finishes her article on an up note, reminding the reader, again, that bullies are not born; bullies are raised. 

She states that we all have the opportunity to raise children who will choose to be empathic, kind, and loyal friends.  All we have to do is teach them those skills.

Katie Hurley blogs at Practical Parenting.

Today’s post is by Sarah Fudin who works in community relations for the University of Southern California Rossier School of Education’s online master’s programs. USC Rossier Online provides current and aspiring teachers the opportunity to earn an Online Masters in Education and become a teacher.  Outside of work Sarah enjoys running, reading and Pinkberry frozen yogurt. You can reach Sarah via Twitter: @USCTeacher<https://twitter.com/#!/USCTeacher>

Reading is one of the most central aspects of your child’s educational development, especially during his or her early years.

Children from three to seven are curious about the world, eager to learn and excited about new discoveries. It is during these years that parents can instill a love for reading in children that will last a lifetime. It is the desire to learn through books and expand upon what they learn in the classroom, motivating learning from school through college, career and even adulthood.

While many children have a natural curiosity, they do not always take an interest in books. Some children may not like to read; they can be daunted by its technical aspects, the newness of words or an assumed monotony of sitting still with a book.

Children need to be stimulated, and you should look for ways to create an interactive reading experience.

This is especially important during the summer months, when children are not in school but should continue practicing the skills they’ve learned while building their foundation of knowledge. To help your children stay engaged with their books, stories and text, try some of these activities in connection with their summer reading list:

Take a Trip
You don’t need a teacher to plan a field trip. During the summer, taking your child on educational excursions can be a fun and creative way to get them excited about reading. With children’s books, it is easy to plan a trip centered on themes found in the narrative. If they are reading a book about animals, take them to the zoo to see these animals face to face. If you are reading a book about the solar system, take them to the planetarium. So many educational books deal with things that are ideally suited for fun trips to museums, national landmarks, aquariums, botanical gardens, national parks and natural attractions, that the opportunities are endless.

Create a Project
Children love arts and crafts, and encouraging creativity is an excellent way to stimulate your child’s interest in reading. Regardless of what your child is reading, you can create a project that ties the book with an artistic project. You can help your children build a model solar system or have them draw pictures of their favorite characters. Write a brief script for a puppet show that enacts a scene from a book, and have your child create the puppets and act out the scene. Science books often also provide at-home science experiments that are fun and educational.

Start a Book Club
Book Clubs might not be the first thing you think of when getting your three to seven year-olds excited about reading, but involving their friends is an excellent way to not only keep them interested, but to reinforce this interest through teamwork and group activities. You and other parents can coordinate play dates for your children to come together and read with one another, work on book-themed projects and even go on trips. Over the summer months, children don’t have daily interaction with their friends as they would during the school year, so this becomes a fun and educational way to keep your child socializing and learning.

Make Reading Rewarding
Rewarding children for reading is not about coaxing them into reading as much as it is about making them feel proud of their accomplishments. For young children, just finishing an entire book is a big deal! Reading is a skill that they should feel proud of, and one way to make them excited about it is to reward them. If your child is at the point where he or she can read an entire book without your help then make it a celebration. Take your child out for a special day trip or a treat of ice cream. Even simple verbal encouragement, like saying how proud you are, can go a long way.

Tie It in with Television
Incorporating television into reading is a strange idea, but it’s actually an innovative way to encourage your children to read. So many children’s television shows have books that tie into them, and you can tell if your child is going to like a series of book by seeing how he or she reacts to the television programs. If he or she likes The Magic School Bus or Dora the Explorer, then you can encourage him or her to read the books. When children are already familiar with the material, they’ll be excited to explore new aspects of their favorite characters or stories. You can also encourage them to watch a new show to see if they’d be interested in reading the books.

May is Asthma Awareness Month. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebeliusa issued a statement asking us to consider what we can do better, as individuals and as a nation, in managing one of the most common lifelong chronic diseases.

In her statement she reports:

• More than 25 million Americans have asthma, including 7 million children.
•  Children with asthma missed more than 10 million days total of school in 2008.
• Medical expenses associated with asthma are estimated at $50 billion annually.
• It is critical to take the necessary steps to reduce asthma attacks.
• Successful asthma management includes: knowing the warning signs of an attack, avoiding things that may trigger an episode and following the advice of your health care provider.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is working to raise awareness about asthma and to provide tools to help families and communities get the information they need:

• Having access to high-quality affordable health care is a must for asthma suffers.
• As a result of the Affordable Care Act, the 7 million children who have asthma cannot be denied health coverage now by insurance companies on the basis of a pre-existing condition. In 2014, that fundamental protection will be afforded to adults with asthma as well.
• We know that African-American children visit emergency departments for asthma care more often than Caucasian children, and that Latino children are less likely to see a doctor for routine office visits than non-Latino Caucasian children. While we’ve made progress in reducing disparities over the years, more needs to be done. That is why the health care law and Recovery Act investments are expanding the capacity of community health centers to care for the most vulnerable Americans regardless of their ability to pay.
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is working with communities and schools to develop the tools they need to make their environments healthier for children with asthma.  Three Louisiana school districts, for example, have adopted indoor and outdoor air policies, such as requiring school buses to turn off their engines while idling. Rhode Island families have gotten help in learning how to manage their children’s asthma from the new Home Asthma Response Program, which identified potential participants during asthma-related emergency room visits.
• The National Asthma Education and Prevention Program–coordinated by the National Institutes of Health–promotes improved asthma care and control through a focused outreach effort centered on written asthma action plans.  These plans are a recommended but underutilized tool for managing asthma long-term and handling symptoms. These efforts include coordination with other federal agencies and key stakeholders and activities to promote resources and educational materials.

Secretary Sebeliusa concludes her statement by asking that we all learn what each of us and our communities can do to reduce the physical, social, and financial costs of asthma.

For more information, see http://www.cdc.gov/asthma/ and http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/about/naepp.

Despite government and personal physician reassurances on vaccination safety there are parents still parents who are reluctant to get their children vaccinated.

Here are some frequently asked parent questions about vaccination safety and the answers from the NYC Dept of Health and Mental Hygiene.

Why should I get my children immunized? I thought no one gets these diseases anymore.

• Many childhood diseases are no longer common because of vaccines. But the germs that cause most of these diseases are still around. Between 2008 and 2011, about 700 New Yorkers each year got sick from vaccine-preventable diseases.
• When vaccination rates are low, these diseases can come back and spread quickly.
• In Europe, a measles outbreak spread through 30 countries in 2011, with more than 26,000 people infected. The outbreak was mainly due to low immunization rates.
• In 2011, almost 225 people contracted measles in the U.S., with 25 in New York City alone, mostly children and adults who had not been vaccinated.

Is it okay for my children to get so many vaccines at once?

• Yes. Children are exposed to thousands of germs every day. The killed or weakened germs in vaccines are very few compared to the millions of germs children fight off each day.

• Talk to your child’s doctor about combination vaccines, which protect against more than one disease with a single shot. They can reduce the number of shots and office visits your child will need.

I’ve heard it’s safer to skip some vaccines or wait to get my children vaccinated. Is this true?

• No. If you skip some vaccines or wait to get your child vaccinated, you put your child at risk. Your child could get very sick or even die from a serious disease that could have been prevented.
• Children should get the recommended vaccinations at the right age and on time.

For More Information About Vaccinations for Children: American Academy of Pediatrics: aap.org,Vaccine Education Center at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia: vaccines.chop.edu, Parents of Kids with Infectious Diseases: pkids.org, Immunization Action Coalition: immunize.org, Every Child By Two: ecbt.org