{"id":4799,"date":"2012-05-17T06:00:18","date_gmt":"2012-05-17T10:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/candostreet.com\/blog-parents\/?p=4799"},"modified":"2012-05-16T17:03:14","modified_gmt":"2012-05-16T21:03:14","slug":"are-bullies-born-or-raised","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/candostreetny.com\/blog-parents\/are-bullies-born-or-raised\/","title":{"rendered":"Are Bullies Born or Raised?"},"content":{"rendered":"

In an article by psychotherapist, Katie Hurley, she writes that children are not born bullies; bullies are something they become.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h1>\n

Ms Hurley believes that bullying is a learned behavior that is used in response to stress.\u00a0 Bullying is an attempt to gain superiority or control over another.<\/p>\n

\"bullies\"<\/a>She states that while some studies indicate that some bullies have naturally aggressive and\/or hyperactive personalities from the start; that should not be taken to mean that all \u201cspirited\u201d kids will bully while all kids who are mellow or laid back will not become bullies.<\/p>\n

Her premise is that bullies have immature social skills. They see threats where there are none and identify other kids as hostile when they are not.\u00a0 Bullies lack compassion and empathy. They have difficulty understanding how others feel.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h2>\n

Ms. Hurley states in her article that while it is hard to find compassion for a bully, it can be useful, however, to understand some of the reasons why kids become bullies:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0Strained parental relationships. \u00a0<\/strong>Bullies often lack warm, caring, and involved parents.\u00a0 Parents of bullies tend to be highly competitive and place unreasonable demands on their children to be superior to other kids (academically, socially, athletically, etc.).\u00a0 These parents often have prejudices based on race, sex, wealth, and achievements.\u00a0 They teach their children to compete at all costs, and to win by whatever means.<\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Inconsistent discipline.<\/strong>\u00a0 Bullies often lack consistent discipline at home.\u00a0 Their parents tend to have difficulty setting limits and\/or struggle to hold them accountable for their behavior.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0Poor academic performance.<\/strong>\u00a0 Some kids bully in response to academic stress.\u00a0 When they struggle in the classroom and feel that they are not being helped, they may begin to lose hope.\u00a0 When hope is lost, children act out.\u00a0 This can translate to bullies seeking \u201crevenge\u201d on the higher achieving kids.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0Unsupportive peer networks.<\/strong>\u00a0 Children who are isolated and feel disliked or unsupported by peers often turn to bullying to gain some social control.\u00a0 Their distorted thinking causes them to believe that controlling other kids = having friends.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0Child abuse.<\/strong>\u00a0 There is ample evidence that children who are physically abused by their parents turn around and bully other kids.\u00a0 Abuse is cyclical.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0\u00a0Victims of bullies.<\/strong>\u00a0 Many bullies have actually been victims of bullies at another time.\u00a0 Due to lack of support, poor social skills, and relying on learned behaviors, these kids use bullying behaviors to try to gain superiority and control so that they will no longer be victimized.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0Low self-esteem. \u00a0<\/strong>When you add up all of the possibilities, it should come as no surprise that bullies tend to struggle with self-esteem.<\/p>\n

There are steps to take to avoid raising bullies.\u00a0Below are a few tips to work on building positive relationships:<\/p>\n